Narcissism

Definition of the word narcissism:

excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance

Generally, I'm a very affable person. I try to be sweet to everyone - even to those who I desperately want to strangle. I try to smile when people criticize me - even though internally, I wish to strangle them and send them to the deepest pits of Tartarus.

But I abhor narcissistic people.

You know what I'm talking about? Those kinds of people who just portray themselves as utterly awesome? The kind of people who always have their hands stuck to their hair? The kind of people who talk about political issues as though they're some huge intellectuals but in reality they don't even know the basics of the constitution? The kind of people who boast about the amount of books they've read? The people who tell you about all the guys/girls crushing on them?

I'm sorry, but I CANNOT stand such people.

Look, talking about yourself is one thing. And portraying yourself as a saint, an icon and a very intellectual person is fine as long as you don't degrade the other person.

The other day, I saw an interview of an actress. In the interview, she was boasting about herself - how the critics 'love' her and she called herself an 'icon'. Moreover, she criticized her contemporary in such an inelegant manner, I felt like throwing my phone away.

(But I couldn't destroy that lovely phone because of that useless "actress", right?)

Moreover, being in the company of narcissistic people destroys you as a person.

I've had such horrible experiences with narcissistic people. I've seen people who CONSTANTLY need to be reassured. I've seen NICE people transform into narcissistic freaks. I've seen narcissistic people who CONSTANTLY try to bring you down with their nasty words.

The conclusion is: they don't talk to me properly.

I'll give you an example of my friendship with a narcissistic person: 

There was a girl I once knew. At first, she was rather sweet. She was bubbly, she was nice and she was someone you could relate to. But after she got this major beauty treatment, she transformed into a really narcissistic girl.

Her fingers would constantly stuck in her styled hair, as if somebody had stuck the hair and the fingers together with Fevikwik. Her eyes would always scan for mirrors and I had stopped being her friend. I was forced to be her servant. Our conversations went like this:

Her: Does my hair look good?
Me: It looks fantastic. You know, I saw this movie the other day -
Her: (looking up from her phone) Do you think I've applied the lipgloss properly?
Me: (Taken aback, shocked) Yes, absolutely! (clears throat) As I was saying -
Her: Do you think my dress looks great? Does it suit my figure?
Me: (Thinking that her dress looks downright weird) Oh no! Are you mad? You look perfect!
Her: Can you zip up my bag? (She turns around so that I can zip up her huge bag)
Me: What are you -? Oh, all right!
Her: Oh no! Wait! Remove my bottle from my bag!
Me: All righty!
Her: No wait! I'm not thirsty! Keep it back inside!
Me: (Now ready to uncap the bottle and topple the water over her stupid hair) Fine.

That's how it went. I felt like I was her shadow. I felt I had no REAL identity as such. All she did was talk about herself, what she would say to one of her many boyfriends and it was just so one-sided.

I bet you'll look at me all derisively and say - "Why did you put up with this girl? Are you some sort of a Sati-Savitri figure?"

First of all, I most certainly am not a Sati-Savitri figure. I don't even know how to sweep the floor, much less tolerate such - no offence intended - bullshit.

But I must admit, there was a part of me that wanted to make our friendship work. 

 Our friendship survived for less than a month. I think we just drifted apart. There was nothing to hold onto and it was not worth being with a narcissist. 

 According to various psychological articles that I read, being with a narcissistic person is not a good thing. It's always about them and not about you. They want to be constantly reassured about how intelligent, how good-looking they are and you're just a tool to keep them assured. You feel lonely because you're not sharing your troubles, your thoughts and you feel like a little lady/guy-in-waiting as that person moans about their problems.

Everyone notices that person and no one notices you.

People will say, "Oh! That's XYZ and her sidekick!"

Sidekick. That is such a sickening word.

Some might say that narcissistic people are highly successful. As they are self-centered, they can achieve their goals.

But ultimately, no one likes them.

You don't want to spend your entire life with a person who is self-centered and wouldn't give a damn if you fall off a cliff. Virtues do matter, ultimately. Sure, money's very important. But it's the deeds that one does which has more weight.