Project UnBurn: The Whats, The Hows and The Whys of Burnouts

It all started with saying yes. 

At first, it didn't seem like a bad thing. It felt really good, to be taking on newer tasks on the academic, work or extracurricular fronts. By doing different things, I felt I was learning and growing as a person. There's nothing wrong with that, right? 

Then, began the never-ending loop of constantly working from early in the morning till late at night, then hitting the bed.

I kept telling myself, "Hey, it's okay. These are tricky times, you have to work hard. It's going to be okay in the end."

Turned out, it wasn't going to be okay. It was going to get worse. Much, much worse. 

Before I knew it, I started freaking out. 

Don't say, What else is new? because it wasn't the same old whining I did normally. 

This was different. More than usual, I was cribbing about life all the damn time. This was like I was a hamster on a wheel, forced to do ballet while the wheel ran too fast. I felt like I was at the edge of the cliff and one wrong step later, I'd fall off the deep end.

Before I knew it, I crashed, massively. 

Dear reader, for the first time in the wacky 23 years of my life, I was suffering from a burnout. 

***

To put it really simply, it is the ultimate state of exhaustion, triggered by prolonged stress in your life - whether it be through work, family or any other reason. 

If I were to take a leaf out of Psychology Today's article, it a state where you feel like you aren't in control of your circumstances . You feel like you're doing things, like you're a ghost from Hogwarts, in a constant state of limbo. 

While I am a motivational quotes-junkie, I didn't realize the severe impact of burnouts until I actually experienced it. Around this time, I realized that I was not liking the person I'd become as a result of it. I was complaining all the time, I kept doubting myself and I found myself falling in a vicious cycle of overthinking. 

What was worse that I got to know that there was a bunch of people who were actively discussing the fact that I was feeling stressed. That really irked me. 

As a result of all these experiences, I felt that I actively needed to address this and find out how to keep going when the going got rough. 

This was where, Project UnBurn was born. 

Is Project UnBurn a revolutionary experiment?

Nope, it isn't. 

Is it somewhere in connection with Sunburn, the musical festival?

Certainly not.

It is, to be frank, my humble attempt at understanding burnouts a bit better and address these questions: 

How to keep going when the going gets rough? And when is enough enough? 

For this project, I enlisted the help of a group of people I know in my circles, who would be able to answer them better. Today, in this blog, I would like to analyze how burnouts happen and how people have faced them, in trying times like these. 

Burnout - a fancy fad or a timeless trend?

When I sent out the form for Project Unburn, an overwhelming majority of people who filled it, told me that they had faced burnouts before the New Abnormal. Of the factors that triggered them the most, work, studies and family came at the forefront. 

In fact, one of the respondents gave this refreshingly honest perspective: 

You know what? It's true. With the New Abnormal, the pressure to be our perfect selves has amplified on social media. Seeing people be productive through accolades, workout routines, romantic lovey dovey moments and all that jazz? It can be a huge hit to your self esteem - even if you're a nonconformist who doesn't care about the society. 

There is constant paranoia that our peers are getting ahead of us and we are doing absolutely nothing in our lives. What's worse? There is an agonizing fear that our time is ticking and we have no control whatsoever. 

With that kind of stress, who wouldn't get exhausted? 

Burnout - thy middle name is irrationality

Okay, I butchered the Shakespearean language in the subhead for this, but you get the gist, right? 

In my form, the next question that I asked people was this: how do you react when you have a burnout? 

They say they are angry, unmotivated and at times, even nihilistic. After this, I asked them this, "Do you think burnouts trigger irrational reactions?" 

To this, more than 80% of the respondents said yes, they do that.

For me, this was a very critical touchpoint because during my burnout, I was Shehzadi-E-Irrationality. 

For a long time, irrational thoughts kept stewing in my mind. Around February, when I was finally cognizant of the fact that I was completely stressed out, I decided to do a very small 'Irrationality' experiment. This was through conversations wherein I pretended that I was thinking of things that were totally not me. 

During one such experimental call with a relative, while I started it off as a really stupid prank, as I went on, I actually got ultra emotional and irrationally labeled myself as 'unlovable'. 

Honestly, I don't even know how I even got to that ridiculous conclusion. After the call, I sat down and thought about it, I realized that I was being utterly stupid. I was literally channelizing the pressure I had from my studies, work and extracurricular activities into creating cockamamie narratives about how pathetic I was and I was getting nowhere. That was when, I realized I needed some time out. With a lot of support from my amazing senior colleagues and leaders at work, I took a break and just spent a week, giving myself a breather. I read a book, watched Bridgerton and mulled over the trajectory where I want to redirect myself, without hyper-pressurizing myself in the process. 

I guess that break really helped me re-calibrate and regain my sense of rationality. And it made me understand this better: 

We all are going through troubled times, so don't think you're the only one.

This pearl of wisdom was given to me by the two comedic geniuses of my life, with whom I'm proud to say that I share my DNA with. 

As I reeled from the after effects of my first ever burnout, I realized how selfish I was being by victimizing myself. While I agree, I was completely stressed out, everyone around me was going through really troubled times. 

These times are really testing. Every day, with the pressures of balancing the tightrope between our personal and professional lives, a morbid sense of paranoia accompanies us, like Vetaal clinging to Raja Vikramaditya's back. Everybody has their own sets of struggles. The struggles might not be like Ananya Panday's, but still, everyone is battling their own demons, while fearing an uncertain environment and a shitty economic situation. 

In such a scenario, more than anything else, it is important for us to stay resilient. 

This brings me to the second part of Project UnBurn: How do we stay resilient in times when we have no control over our circumstances?

This question, I hope to discuss in the second part of this series in the next blog. 

Take care, dear reader.

Stay safe, always.

Much love,

Archie <3